Through the fields of time the
soul essence flows, sometimes sending ripples of the past in thoughts, feelings,
words and even the way we behave. Today as I was opening up my energy to receive
more light within my relationship with self and others I heard an echo from my
past from a time when I was dealing with the aftermath of a very traumatic time
for me. It was the first two lines from a poem I wrote which was helping me to
process the events that had taken place in my life.
They were:
“A lonely life is all I see,
Full of unwanted misery”
They played over and over in my
head and I knew that this was a part of self from that moment in time which
needed my love and healing. The part of me that was still stuck in the trauma,
with nothing but a vision of darkness and pain for the rest of my life. That
part of self that could never imagine being happy with anyone, not even myself.
It was a very dark time in my life as you can tell from the beginning of my
poem.
I had just escaped from a domestic violent
relationship, where the man who I was with used to physically, mentally and
emotionally beat me up and torture me. I do not need to go further into the
details, as that is not what this is about. All that needs to be said was that I
was a fragment of light engulfed in darkness. With all of my muddied mind and
feelings at the time I believed I would never be happy, that all men were not
to be trusted, feeling that I would never be safe. I had so much hate for men
and myself I closed myself off to love, in an attempt to keep myself safe. Some of
the words of my ex boyfriend echoed through my being that I was unlovable,
disgusting, that nobody would ever love me, that it’s better to be by yourself
than with an a***hole. I may have escaped the physical abuse but the echoes of
the mental and emotional abuse played over and over again in my mind, it was
ingrained so deep I never thought I would recover.
But I did recover and became
stronger, more beautiful, loving, happy, compassionate, forgiving, with a
capacity to experience love and blissful feelings beyond my wildest dreams. My
heart opened and continues to expand to the unconditional loving being that I
truly am. I am no longer willing to align to pain and suffering in
relationships, I am no longer willing to allow past echoes to interfere with or
shut myself of in any way to my true happiness and the love I am truly capable
of experiencing. My heart knows and emanates this pure love, it is unlimited, boundless. With the guidance of my soul I lovingly invite any fragments of self back into the warmth and pure love of my soul, my pure essence. For I am
always safe held in the pure love that I am. I shine and radiate this pure love
out through all space and time, to every aspect of myself, throughout all space
and time.
I am safe, I am love
